Caribou

As some of you may know, Mr. Vice is an expert at reviewing movies. Since I have finished finals and will have ALOT of free time, I've decided to review different animals, as they appear in nature. Pictured below, is the caribou.


FACTS:

1. Caribou have horns, eyes, and are composed mostly of matter.

2. Caribou are vegetarians: They eat grass, trees, rocks, and people who only eat vegetables.

3. Caribou are the only animals on Earth exempt from the common law Rule Against Perpetuities.

4. Caribou move in herds, when they're not busy breathing fire through their nostrils.

5. Caribou have fur designed to keep them warm, and also to show those PETA people that it's okay to wear fur and NOT okay to not kill animals for fur.

6. Caribou are opposed to arctic drilling...they drive SUVs and gas is expensive and NOBODY is taking their oil.

ANALYSIS:

As you can see, Caribou, or "Bou" for short, are pretty sweet. I would rate their killing power as medium well-done. They trample through the arctic circle, stopping their trampling only to bust up some Eskimos in their igloos. The bou is a good choice to dress up in armor and pull an arctic battle sleigh. Of note is the regional warlord in control of the North: Santa Claus. The horns are also impressive. You think it's badass to put steer horns on your car? Try putting on BOU HORNS. Needless to say, you'll never have to tailgate again. However, the most impressive thing about the bou, is that it's not endangered.

I hate lawyers

So on one of my cases at NLP, I've been working with opposing counsel and the guy is a pretty big dick. Today I called him with a completely reasonable request, asking for information that the judge ordered him to provide over a week ago. He responds "I don't have time for this little law school crap, I'll get it to you when I can."

Now I know I'm just a law student, and I know I'm not as experienced. Hell, I expect a certain degree of hazing from the "real bar" when I play in their world. But there's no reason to be an asshole. Now I'm going to work all weekend on a motion for contempt and sanctions because he pissed me off. I am going to spend my last week at NLP being the biggest pain in the ass he will ever have to deal with. He's lucky I didn't pull an Erik Cartman and chop his parents up into Chili and then feed it to him. Motherfucker.

Prom Night in the O.C.

HO-LY SHIT! How incredible was the O.C. tonight? Anna Stern returns to the O.C. to take Cohen to prom. There are those among us who really think that Cohen should have ended up with Anna long term. She's smart, independent, funny, and hot. Very hot. I knew the Ryan Atwood/Kevin Volchok fight was coming, but seeing it blew me away. Ryan potentially killed Volchok, and left him to die. Ring any bells from season one? Hello!? Atwood v. Luke Ward before they became friends! The irony is astounding.

Speaking of astounding irony, Sandy Cohen. He's always been the good guy, the one everyone can look up to for moral guidance. He took over Caleb Nichol's business and now he's slowly turning into the corrupt businessman. In the past few episodes we've seen Sandy ignore his family, destroy evidence, bribe witnesses, and now he's under criminal investigation. Wow, things are heating up in the O.C.! And now JULIE COOPER has become the moral compass of the O.C. I imagine this was what it was like on Earth a million or so years ago when the magnetic poles reversed themselves, because that is what is happening on the O.C.

I was glad that the writers avoided getting Ryan and Theresa back together...one baby scare is all we needed out of them. I also thought it was funny that Summer's Korean pop star prom date was from a band "Big Korea." For those of you that don't know, in real life, Seth Cohen is the drummer for a band called "Big Japan." Another reason why the O.C. is such a fantastic show, is you have to keep up with the real life of the actors in order to understand some of the jokes in the show. Incredible. The previews look too good to be real...Marissa tries out the Brittney Spears "Hit me Baby One More Time" look, Cohen gets arrested, Kirsten falls off the wagon, Atwood may be a murderer, Sandy Cohen appears to be in deep shit. The suspense is killing me, only in the O.C.!

Killer Chimps

Apparently Paul Hogan no longer has control in the land down under:

http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,20867,18931926-1702,00.html

Go away, monkeys.

Legal Process This [Points to Genitals]

So today was eventful. I'll skip right to the main event. Yesterday, some friends of mine (you know who you are) helped me out in my quest to get over my paralyzing fear of rejection and "assisted" me in sending out an email to a girl I know from work. She responds with sufficient ambiguity, so I have no idea whether the situation requires follow-up or whether I should drop it entirely. I think next time, I'm just going to send out some requests to admit, and maybe an interrogatory to make sure I know what I'm walking into.




I'm posting the above picture to commemorate the sheer exhileration and badassedry I felt upon finishing my final paper for Legal Process. If you ever want to feel what it's like to waste money, take a Kaplan class. That guy is so far out of his fucking mind, you won't believe it. And I'm not saying that he just has bad ideas (i.e. get a team from Cal Tech to 'take down' the financial system). I mean, nobody in the room understands what the hell he's talking about. At any given time, he could be talking about "Diesel Jeans," "Oil Wars," "Phil Helmuth," or our first discussion, "blow jobs." Then he would ask the inevitable and progressively infuriating question: "Are you with me?" If he's such the philosophy master, it's too bad he didn't concentrate so hard on philosophy that he realized he didn't exist, then vanished into thin air. I would have learned far more from his jacket sitting on the table, than in any of his class sessions.

I'm starting to panic for my first and only exam, TNE. Apparently, there is a lot of law surrounding estate planning. Seeing as how this is the one mess I won't have to figure out, when I'm on my deathbed, I plan to just leave all of my property inside of a tank filled with stingrays, sharks, and lions, guarded by robots, and surrounded by a moat stocked with more sharks, stingrays, and lions. Also, some water-robots. However, in order to become a practicing lawyer, I need to know this stuff and I'm beginning to freak out. The next four days will be nothing but solid TNE review, and hopefully the cramming will translate to somewhere in the 80's.

Anticipation

Some form of response would be nice...any form. This is worse than waiting for law school admission letters.

On the upside, I had a dream about different dogs that wanted to fight me last night, so I awoke super pumped/pissed for the day. Now I need to be super pumped/pissed about trusts and estates.

Bears!

I have to say the obvious: Bears are awesome. Pictured above, is a bear. For those of you less-acquianted, here are some essential facts about the bear:

1. Bears defend themselves with teeth, claws, bellowing, and a Chuck Norris-style beard that envelopes their entire body.

2. Bears kill EVERYTHING they see, mostly out of a sense of patriotism.

3. Bears have a very high tax basis in ALL of their property...real AND personal.

4. Bears can fly, but only after FAA approval.

5. The only animal that bears cannot defeat in nature is Glen Mason. That is why you never see bears challenge the University of Minnesota in football.

6. YES!

The Asian Scourge

So there are about five billion or so Asians in this world, and about half of them attend the University of Wisconsin Law School. I sit down at an empty table in the grand reading room, and suddenly I'm swarmed by Asians from all directions. Now originally, my problem with the Asians was limited to the fact that we are importing foreigners to further clog my already-swamped job market. However, today really pissed me off.

They all start talking in strange tongue. Loud. Many of them pick up the cell phones right there at the table, the courteous ones talk all the way to the side door...right before they slam it. I'm trying to study for finals here, jackasses. So I decide to take a break and go get a Snickers. Lo and Behold, what should adorn the student lounge, but legions of Asians. Cooking something extraordinarily putrid in the microwave. My best guess is that it was fishheads stuffed with feces. Whatever it was, the Asians tried washing it into the mens room sinks. Apparently somebody forgot to tell them that here in America, not all solid matter washes down the drain.

I return to the library and the Asians are still having a loud conference in the library. Behind me, an Asian who has apparently been infected for a year or so with the bird flu snorts loudly. I politely remind the nearest Asian that we were indeed in a library and they should respect my right to study. The girl looks at me, her eyes register, and she turns around and immediately begins to talk again. My second request for them to shut the fuck up also goes ignored. So I packed up my shit and left. There I was, being rousted from my home by invaders. I felt just like Charlie Sheen in Red Dawn when the Russians parachuted into rural America and attacked the high school. Yeah, EXACTLY like that. As an aside, I'd like to note that when I say "Asians" I mean foreign Asians...not "Asian Americans." I get along just fine with someone who knows the Pledge of Allegiance, appreciates football, and eats pizza for lunch.

Now I know all Asians know martial arts, but something tells me the next time I witness this level of foreign douchebaggery, I need to lay the smack down. Afterall, the world's best fighters are all American. If you're skeptical, let me throw out some names: Chuck Norris, Steven Segal, Vin Diesel, Horses. Enough Said. Those of you who get what I'm trying to say realize that this is not racism, it's merely extending my hatred of douchebags to international douchebags. Talk in the library, don't shut up when I command, pour fishheads down my drain, and you become a douche. And like all douchebags, there will be consequences.

Weak!

The O.C. tonight, was incredible. The return of perhaps the most irresistibly attractive O.C. girl, Anna Stern, was fantastic. Even though her hair now looks like Paris Hilton's hair, she's still incredibly hot. I think it's the voice...hot, hot, hot. Not to mention she's very attractive, making her...hot.

The story with Ryan and Theresa was much more conclusive than I would have thought. Ryan finds out about the baby, flies home, goes to see Theresa and sees the two year-old, with his blonde hair and blue eyes. Then Theresa comes to Ryan's house, and tells him flat out that the baby is not his. Not that I question the wisdom of the O.C. producers, but I would have drawn out the drama on this one. It's also a little strange that Theresa is only 18 years old, and is now in charge of a gigantic hotel. Only in the O.C.!

The weakest moment of all was what didn't happen. The pre-show cast list included the return of one of the greatest characters of all time...Luke Ward! For those that don't know, Luke was the cool kid who gave Ryan a hard time when he moved to the O.C. He was never scared to be a man and call Ryan gay, or kick Cohen's ass. In addition, he can be credited with the greatest line in O.C. history: "Welcome to the O.C., bitch." However, the cast list was woefully deceptive. Luke did not reappear. Weak! I long for the reappearance of old cast members, just like I miss old friends. It would make my day to have an appearance from Anna (again), Jimmy Cooper, Luke Ward, Zack (I think they killed him), Hailey, Lindsay, or even Oliver. And it would be even more incredible if they could raise Caleb Nichol from the dead.

Although the hype in Luke's reappearance was disappointing, this episode of the O.C. was nonetheless phenomenal. The final three episodes of the season promise not to disappoint: Kirsten relapses into alcoholism, Sandy Cohen starts to become an evil businessman, Seth may get into the Rhode Island School of Design (instead of Brown), Marissa and Volchek prompt a good old fashioned Ryan Atwood fight...quality, all out quality.

I've met the enemy and it is me.

So I'm pissed at myself. Once again, I've managed to fuck things up by training myself not to succeed. Oh I've succeeded in many things: school, work, drinking battles, and fights with wild animals, but I think anybody who knows me knows the failure I'm talking about. Women.

I had backup, confirmation that she was single, and plenty of time to get myself confident. When the moment of truth came, I couldn't say a few simple words: "Want to hang out sometime?" "If you need a study break, we can go get coffee..." "I'll be here quite a bit over the summer, we should hang out..." Even "let's fuck" would have been better than my awkward smile and "take care." Now she's gone and I'll never see her again.

So what the fuck is wrong with me? I have no clue. I feel like I'm wandering around in this state of purgatory where my only attributes are quasi-confidence and sleep aids. I'm not saying that it's my sole mission in life to get into a relationship. Rather, it would be nice to have some self-assurance that sooner or later I'll snap out of this state I'm in. The problem is I have no clue where I'm going to find it.

How a cougar saved my legal career

So I had this dream last night that I was running alongside the Mississippi river in southern Minnesota, as I was chased by a cougar. Eventually, I ran the 100 or so miles home and locked myself in my car, instants before the cougar struck, shattering the window. My old cranky next door neighbor played the role of Boo Radley, dispatching the cougar with a shotgun, and became my savior, instead of the asshole old geezer that he really is.

So what does this mean? I think I'm running from alot of problems and responsibilities and my only refuge is no longer safe (both metaphorically and literally, since my car is in all likelihood toast). I have to rely on others to bail me out, but since I tend not to trust people in general, I have to rely on the unlikely dues ex machina solution to my problems. Either that, or I have to prepare for battle with a cougar.

Finals are catching up with me, finances are catching up with me, and life is catching up with me. The more I look at my current life, the more I wonder how I ended up leaving the old one. True, it was pretty much always my dream to go to law school, but frankly, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. If I knew my life would become three years of poverty, stress, and constant efforts to prove my self-worth to my peers, I may very well have chosen to go somewhere else. Frankly, I'm not sure it's worth it. Sure, I'm going to finish law school, and barring disaster, I'll find a law job, but how do I know it's the right thing for me? For all I know, I'm going to end up as a mediocre lawyer, trapped in this profession by my student debts, and stuck with the same type of people I can't stand being around most of the time (referring to pretty much all law students). I'm sure the combination of minor crises I'm faced with now isn't anything compared to what my life will be like in a year or so. Do I really want that kind of stress, dissatisfaction, and proximity to incredibly gigantic douchebags?

I was watching Jerry Maguire for the third time this weekend (which is what I do when I'm stranded in Madison on Easter sans friends or family), and saw a commercial for a new T.V. series called "Saved." It's based on a character (played by Tom Everett Scott, of That thing you do) who works full time as a paramedic and feeds his mental anguish with compulsive gambling on the high stakes hold em' tables. I'm pretty sure the show will be terribly inaccurate and make me want to break out the electric sledgehammer gun on whoever produced it (although like many allegedly terrible T.V. shows, I'll probably watch it). However, that's not the point. I haven't thought about my time with the ambulance in a while, and that stupid commercial made me realize how much I missed it. The variety, the excitement, the mental satisfaction of doing something worthwhile, and the image of me looking badass with a reflective jacket and rubber gloves all came flooding back to me.

Although that job was stressful, I really, really loved it. At this point, I'm not sure why I ever left. I'm certain I could have made a career out of it, been very good, and been happy. Maybe the whole 'man in uniform' thing would have even worked on a girl someday. I spent most of the afternoon asking myself why I left. The answer is grounded in human nature: we all want to believe that we have potential, and it's logical to rise up and try to meet the challenge. I had decided a while back that my potential was in the legal profession. My decision was arbitrary and based primarily on John Grisham, but I think, ultimately correct. The current dilemma lies in the fact that I haven't exactly risen to the level of success I had envisioned myself reaching at this point in my career (e.g. straight A, genius astronaut, with super powers). Still, comparatively, I've done alright. It's ridiculous that society places so much pressure on us to measure our own self-worth against what others are doing. Who's famous, who's rich, who's respected, who makes partner at a big firm. Have I really fallen victim to this kind of thinking? Has the law school rat race really corrupted me to the point where money, prestige, and standing can define happiness? It's so easy to stray from the paths we've laid out for ourselves, and I'm no exception. It took a cougar, a commercial, and boatloads of convoluted analysis to arrive at this conclusion. If my idea of being happy turns out to be working for money and the privilege of looking down on others, then somebody kick my ass. Also, kick my ass if I don't get a dog.

As for the present moment, I'm just going to have to stay conscious of why I ended up at law school in the first place, and if it doesn't turn out to be my vision of life, I need to build up the willpower to walk away. It's not worth turning into an asshole to fit somebody else's vision of "happy." That being said, I'm going to turn to the task of becoming MY vision of a successful lawyer (with super powers).

Wow, that felt self-righteous.

Huh?

I read over my last post...I don't have any recollection of it. I remember exchanging "worst accident ever" stories with the towtruck driver, and I remember the dog upstairs making some wailing noises, but I'm not sure how it all came together last night. I've been doing alot of sleepwalking lately, but it's starting to get messed up when I start to do things that normally require conscious thought, and I have no memory of it whatsoever.

This was the third morning this week where I woke up wearing all of my clothes, shoes and all, with the lights on. Apparently, I am Tyler Derdin. Only instead of fight club, I make cereal and write disoriented recollections of my day online. Weird.

I thought it was appropriate for the towtruck driver to comment on the things he's seen that kept him awake at night, because the last few weeks have been a regular lineup of the horrible things I saw and did in my not so recent life.

I don't know what it means, but something seems to be going on upstairs that isn't right

The Easter that Didn't Happen for Me

I really was looking forward to seeing my family, and getting out of Madison for a little while. Unfortunately, the level of anticipation doesn't appear to correlate to success. My brother and I left Madison on time, in the normally reliable Ford Tempo. We got onto I-90 and things were going smooth for awhile. I was in the center lane, doing about 70 and noticed that the transmission appeared to be strained, shifting into higher gears. I didn't think much of it...until the engine killed completely in the middle of the freeway.

I was unable to restart in neutral, and had to hit the hazards and quickly move over to the right. I was doing about 25 m.p.h. by the time I finally got all the way over. I checked the gauges: check engine, oil, and check electronics all shone. The temperature and oil were fine. I tried the gas cap trick for vapor lock, and that was a no go. Neither were any of my attempts to restart.

Thankfully, I have a AAA card, and got a free tow back to Madison. The fucking crooks that run the auto shop they dropped my car at demanded $140 simply to look at the car. There goes a month worth of groceries. Honestly, I have a feeling that whatever is wrong will cost too much to justify repairing.

The thought of being without a car panics me to no end. I need it for some very fundamental parts of my life: getting to NLP, getting groceries, getting home. Not to mention, I'll need a car every work day this summer back in Hudson. I can't afford another vehicle and I'm not about to ask my family for help on this one, so it appears that I'm fucked. The real cock in the ass is the fact that I had just put $30 worth of gas in. I'm definitely going to siphon it out.

I haven't seen my family now for over three months, and I miss them and my dog more than ever. I know they're going to be very disappointed by this and it's painful to even think about how my little sister will react. Happy Easter.

Easter Break

So tonight is an informal start to Easter break. I use the word "break" loosely, because it's nowhere near the length of break I got at GAC, which just happens to be a Lutheran school. But I get to see my dog, who I sorely miss. It's rough having nobody to bark at. Oh yeah, my family will also be there. Anyways, I'm off to hang out with a friend of mine. With beer.

Previews

I've officially started the process of sharing this website with others. There are a few simple rules I ask everyone to observe.

1. The first rule of Utah, Get me Two, is Don't list me as a link.

2. The second rule of Utah, Get me Two is DON'T LIST ME AS A LINK.

I intend to say some incredibly offensive things that some people can handle, but others, definitely cannot, and I don't want to run into a problem if I ever run for President or Village of North Hudson dog catcher (which actually does exist) and have people question my various "isms". That being said, I also am uncomfortable with expressing my own opinion in public, so for the time being, this should remain a closely-held corporation.

The war is...off?

Okay, so I slept on it (well, sleptwalked, since I woke up in a room I did not go to sleep in), and decided not to go nuclear on my old acquiantence. Of no small consequence was the fact that I randomly opened my bible to Matthew 5:38 (turning the other cheek) before going to sleep. Anyways, that war is off.

However, I have a sinking feeling that another war is on. There was alot of talk over the weekend about whether or not the Bush administration was planning a preemptive strike on Iran. I remember scuffawing at it just a few days ago. Now, I'm not so sure. I've always had good instincts for some things, often bordering on premonition (except for women), and this just has a bad feel to it. Hell, gas profits are going up, and Iraq is going down in the news, time for another war, right? I hate to say it, but something Leonard Kaplan said actually made sense: I think Bush is crazy enough to do this, and it scares the shit out of me. The only good thing about a gigantic war with the potential to evolve to a worldwide conflict, is that I'll have a chance to live out my Red Dawn fantasies, by moving to the woods with my buddies and a bunch of guns (AND mounds of babes) and defend America. WOLVERINES!!! (badass music plays in the background)

Wow, I finally figured out how to use the title

Guess I'm less of an idiot than I thought.

The war is fucking on. I learned through a reliable source that there is an individual out there using things I said in private to stab me in the back. Too bad for this person, but I retaliate at least a hundred times worse than the original strike. The remark may have been benign in intention, but it did harm to me. So to quote the Godfather (and "You've got mail") "Go to the Mattresses."

Back in the cold war, American's and the filthy bethonged Russians referred to MAD, or Mutually Assured Destruction. This is not that phenomenon. Nothing about the ensuing carnage will be mutual. If I had been Eisenhower-Reagan, the whole world would be run by America now. Or destroyed. Either way, my enemies are going down. The beautiful thing about a verbal war, is that all of the bad things people can say about me are already in the open. Yes, I can be an asshole sometimes. Yes, I enjoy Vin Diesel movies. Yes, I go hideously overboard on many of my comments. If that's all that's out there, it's no wonder people have to resort to misconstruing my conversations and outright lying about me.

Unfortunately, this isn't the first time I've fought this battle. I've found that I can never respond, even honestly, without compromising my own integrity. Is it worth it to hurt someone more than they did to me? It was back then. Now I've written myself into a quagmire. I'm going to sleep on it, but chances are, it's on.

Those who know me realize that I love Wisconsin football. I spend all week anticipating the football game at Camp Randall and fully wear myself out for Saturday home games. I logged on this morning to get my football tickets. They were sold out.

MOTH-ER-FUCK-ER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apparently, the athletic Ticket office reports that this is the first time EVER that student season football tickets were sold out before mid-May, which is when I was accustomed to making the purchase. Well, son of a bitch, this year, the tickets sold out in April and I have to sit on my ass at home while everyone else in the world goes to Camp Randall.

What really stirs my ire is the fact that many of those tickets are going to frat boys and habitual drunkards who never get to Camp Randall until the third quarter, and leave the student section sparsely populated. I loved going to football games because I could enjoy them drunk OR sober. There are few other activities that fit into that category. Now I won't be able to enjoy football period because I'll be alone, at home, NOT getting my ass slapped by the girl behind me when "Shout" plays, and unable to get drunk, because tailgating before a televised game just makes me an alcoholic. I know that there will be opportunities for me to buy vouchers from someone else, but I won't for several reasons. (1) The vouchers often go for three times their face value, especially Big Ten games, (2) It's a pain in the ass to haggle, meet, and purchase, (3) I'll feel like a "part-timer" if I only go to a couple of games. It may not seem like alot, but not getting football tickets is a major blow to my happiness and is one of those things that will set me on the course of becoming an even bigger loser.

Stocco for Heisman.

I shouldn't comment on my current state, so I won't. Wow, a whole new me. :)

Actually...I have this to say: You guys area idiots, I'm right, and I saved all of your asses, so shut up!

So today somebody called me a Republican. This certainly isn't the first time that's happened, but it's the first time that I didn't issue an immediate denial. I decided that I needed to devote a little time towards analyzing where, exactly, I stand on the issues and go from there.

Budget Policy: I live on a budget. My family lives within a budget. The law school lives within a budget. Why the hell can't the government do it? Barring catastrophe, we should NEVER spend more than we are taking in per year.

The Environment: The Earth is all we have, and eventually, somebody will kill Captain Planet (and probably that little kid with the "heart" ring). So why the hell are we trashing it? Pollution needs to stop. Now. We need to spend alot more on cutting down pollution, developing sustainable energy and farming, and dare say I, controlling the population. If we don't, human beings won't be around a whole lot longer.

Crime Control: There are good criminals, and there are bad criminals. In this subject, Walter J. Dickey is king. Put the people in prison that deserve to be punished. Who deserves it? Well, here is my short (and non-exclusive) list: Drug dealers, child molesters, rapists, murderers (intentional and most reckless/negligent), burglars, thiefs, assholes who won't take the hint to shape up, hackers, sick fucks that torture and neglect animals, douchebags. Anyone else should be fine with probation.

Gun Control: I've always found it ironic that the ACLU proclaims itself as a protector of the bill of rights, yet you never see them taking a Second Amendment case. Plain and simple, the founding fathers thought it was a good idea for people to have guns. All gun control is doing is keeping the guns out of the hands of law abiding citizens. The criminals already have them. I think the world would be safer if the Democrats stopped envisioning guns as an independant creature that will grow legs and walk around shooting people, and more as a tool to prevent crime.

Affirmative Action/Racial Preferences: I am literally the most discriminated against class out there. White, male, straight, middle class, Christian, without any disabilities. Why the hell should I have to pay for it? Any policies sponsored by the state giving somebody an advantage simply because of race, religion, sex, creed, origin, sexual orientation, or disability discriminate against me simply because of the way I was born.

Abortion: With very few exceptions (and I'm talking Bruce Willis in Armageddon), killing people is wrong. I fully support mandatory waiting periods, parental and spousal notification laws, and mandatory counseling prior to allowing somebody to have an abortion. There's no slippery slope, these measures could stop somebody from making a gigantic mistake. Now I'm not going to pretend to know when life begins, and I don't think the court can do so either. So in the very, very, very, end, I think that a woman should be allowed to abort a non-viable fetus.

Dogs: Simply outstanding. Dogs are phenomenal creatures.

Legalization of Marijuana: Uh, who wants to make America a shithole? Not me. Yes, Marijuana may not be as dangerous as other drugs. Yes, lots of people already do it. But can you imagine the nation when gas stations sell cartons of J's? Forget the six-pack, the whole country would become universally stupider once weed is governmentally endorsed. We still haven't recovered from prohibition, with all of our alcohol-related problems.

Death Penalty: Like I said above, with very few exceptions, killing is wrong. This is no exception. I can't think of anything that disgusts me more as a human being than realizing that the state can legally kill people it deems worthy of dying. Forget the chances of wrongful conviction, discrimination, arbitrariness in application, and inefficient process. It's wrong, plain and simple.

Welfare/Public Benefits: I used to think that welfare recipients were a bunch of welfare-sucking leeches. Now that I've worked with many of them, I realize how necessary the public benefits system is, and how difficult it is to stay on. I support increasing public benefits, and helping people with higher income thresholds than we do today.

Transportation: I want a Mustang. Subject to the environment, mentioned supra.

Immigration: There's a fine balance on this one. We pass Sensenbrenner's law and the federal docket will be packed with pointless felony immigration cases, all with the purpose of discouraging people to work the jobs most Americans would not do. However, if we open up the borders completely, America would become a shithole, since most of the world wants to move here. There are no easy solutions, and I have none to offer. I can only quote South Park "They took our jobs!"

Well, this isn't everything on the agenda, but I think I've hit a few of the big points, and still consider myself a Democrat. Even if I'm not, they should stop bitching at me...I'm voting for your candidates. AMERICA.

Well one of these is scary-accurate...

Big Five Test Results

Extroversion (48%) medium which suggests you average somewhere in between being assertive and social and being withdrawn and solitary. Accommodation (36%) moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly selfish, uncooperative, and difficult at the expense of the well being of others. Orderliness (48%) medium which suggests you are moderately organized, structured, and self controlled while still remaining flexible, varied, and fun. Emotional Stability (14%) very low which suggests you are extremely worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious. Inquisitiveness (46%) medium which suggests you are moderately intellectual, curious, and imaginative.

Take Free Big Five Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

So I call up Experian today on behalf of one of my clients. For those of you that don't know, Experian is one of three credit reporting agencies in the U.S., serving a potential 300 million or so people. The reason I am calling, is because they don't list any addresses on their website. After thirty minutes or so of waiting on speakerphone, I finally get a person on the line. I introduce myself and ask for their mailing address, specifically one for consumer contests.

The gentleman on the other end says to me: "we don't have one." I say, "uh, what do you mean?" And he says "everything is done electronically, or by phone." I then pointed out that surely, a gigantic corporation like Experian must have a mailing address someplace, and he said "no." So, I told him that I didn't mean to call him a liar, but clearly, he was lying to me. He said, no, there were no mailing addresses for Experian.

The call continued. I asked incredulously whether it was indeed a fact that no employee ever received non-electronic mail at work. He said that was correct. Then I asked for the street address for where he worked. "That's confidential," was the reply. I asked him why the hell his employer's street address was confidential and figured it could only be because Experian actually hosts MI6. Possibly the xXx division of the National Security Agency.

This ridiculous conversation went on for about ten minutes, and I asked to talk to his supervisor. "Why?" was the response. "Because I'm calling from a law office and if I don't get to talk to someone, I'll sue you." Bingo. I got the boss on the line. I reminded him that federal law requires a mailing address for consumer credit reporting complaints. The boss then tried to argue with me about how efficient the online system was. Obviously, he didn't understand the concept of relevancy. After literally 15 minutes of yelling at jackass Texans, I finally got a PO box. What was so hard about that?

So you know that "second chance" I was talking about? It didn't come to fruition. It's okay, I think I'm waking up a little bit from the dream that's been my life for the last few years. My crim professor/future clinical supervisor made me read an article that basically said the human brain isn't mature until age 25. Maybe I'm proof of that. I'm not pining, I was able to concentrate on work when she didn't show up, and I'm even able to show a little irritation, which is actually a big change for me.

For those that know me casually, I'm never pissed. Someone once told me that I've never had a bad day, and my life must be a "joyful bliss." I considered that person a good friend, but realized that she never really knew me well enough to be a friend if she actually believed that. For those that know me well, I have my ups and downs, but the downs are always expressed privately. Just writing about it here, on the slight offchance that someone I know will read this, is a rare breach of character for me. The last few months have been different for me though. I've been able to talk about my weaknesses, and I dare say, accept some of the things that I can't change. Maybe I'm finally growing up. Or maybe I just kick ass. Anyways, it's back to it for me. T-minus three weeks.

Well, the law revue kicked ass. There were a few minor mishaps, but all in all, I think we had an appreciative and satisfied audience. I had alot of fun playing Palay, and though I never managed to mimic his vocal tone exactly, I think I had his mannerisms down pretty well though.

Law revue was worth it, but all of the rehearsals virtually ensured that I would fall behind in my school work. And fall behind I did. I REALLY need to get my ass in gear on my legal process paper. Although the only thing I learned in legal process was how to mock the professor, I need to make certain that my paper meets the threshold standard of "passing." I also need to spend some serious time on TNE, since it will be the only class going into my GPA this semester.

One of my minor television obsessions, Prison Break, is currently playing.