My Weekend

I watched "Walking Tall" yesterday, starring The Rock as Sheriff Chris Vaughn. Now THAT guy knew how to present his own defense. I'm going to try it myself. [To the jury] "Man, I know this town, people used to walk tall. And if you acquit me of felony battery against ten people, burglary, and trashing a casino, I'll run for Sheriff. Then I'll dole out the law with a piece of lumber and no respect for the Fourth Amendment." YES.

I spent the weekend driving with my dad to Nebraska for my great aunt's 90th birthday. It was really nice to visit with this side of my family, since I haven't seen many of them since I was 13. I was amazed at how young my great aunt looked and acted...had I not known her true age I would have pegged her at about 70 years old. She warned me about the perils of drinking cheap beer.

On the way to Omaha, we passed through vast fields of farmland illuminated by hoardes of fireflies. It was really an incredible, magical sight. You live in a city long enough and sometimes you forget what the outdoors is supposed to look like at night: trees, fireflies, and T-Bell. On the way back, we drove directly through some severe storms. I could tell it would be rough when I looked ahead and saw a giant supercell that looked like it came directly out of "Twister." The gigantic anvil had a perfectly formed wall cloud protruding from the base and as we passed below, I could envision a 'nado coming down right on top of me. I didn't even have a gun to defend myself against nature.

The other thing I was mildly worried about was the thought that a storm could suck up a poisonous snake from hundreds of miles away and freeze it into a basketball-sized chunk of hail, which would thunder downwards and break my leg. Then, just when I thought it was over, the hailstone would crack, a cold-blooded viper would emerge, revive itself in the heat, and bite me. That would have sucked.

Chess Boxing

Suddenly, NASCAR Poker doesn't seem like a foolish idea anymore, does it?

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/eticket/story?page=chessboxing

This is what my ideas must look like to other people

My friends, I witnessed probably one of the most amazing and probably one of the worst ideas in legal history the other day. Without any prompting, or suggestions from me, I saw an attorney break out the AMERICAN DEFENSE in his closing argument.

Granted, the case was a weak one at best...it probably should not have gone to trial. When things devolved at trial, my supervisor stood up in his closing, pointed to the American flag and talked of American values. He talked about how the British oppressed the Americans and we didn't take shit from those foreign bastards. Then he talked about how cops oppress the fine rural folks of this county, and we should have the right to lie, talk back, and even restrain cops when they conflict with our right to drink. Then he put his hand on his heart and faced the flag and asked them to remember American values and acquit...basically asking for jury nullification.

Needless to say, he drew numerous objections during this closing. But the judge didn't respond with the expected, "shut your filthy mouth you un-American pile of shit." Rather, she uttered "Sustained."Baffling. After the jury had retired to deliberate, the judge ripped off her glasses, stared at the attorney and told him that she had never seen a more improper, out of order closing in her life. I asked him later why he did it...and he said he wanted me to learn a lesson about trials: that you have to stand up to the judge. I thought that was a costly lesson, since somebody's freedom hung in the balance. But to his credit, the case was a loser from the start.

I can't believe I actually saw the American Defense in action. Moreover, I can't believe that the American Defense resulted in a conviction. There's a new line here. I talk about stupid ideas, but some people actually put them into action.

Welcome to the St. Croix, bitch

St. Croix county...some people view it as a collection of hicks and simpletons. But let me ask you this: Could a collection of hicks and simpletons get one of the biggest names in music to play a benefit concert at the Hudson bandshell Saturday night?

So what am I doing this weekend? Oh nothing much, except seeing TOMMY TUTONE in concert! That's right bitches, I'll have excellent seats on the grass to hear one of the greatest compilations of sound ever produced: Jenny's Number (867-5309). And I'm sure he has other songs too. Jealous? I thought so.

God I'm bored.

And my anti-technology campaign continues to benefit

I decided to take my exams on the bluebook, even though everyone claimed it would be a huge disavantage not to take them on the computer. That huge disadvantage just netted me the highest grade of my law school career. Take THAT, Robot.

Just an Update

For those of you wondering if I've met my grizzly bear-related fate, not yet. The delay in posts you are experiencing is related to something I thought I was done with forever: dial up internet. Things are indeed medieval and I'm now back to high school. I have to borrow a car to get where I'm going, then listen to my mom tell me later how it looked like I drove away "a little too fast." Also, I've been getting up at 6 a.m. Weak. On the upside, I'm able to see why a friend would tell me I will never be more attractive to women in my life, since I have no car, no money, I live at home, and I'm growing a mullet.

Work has been intense (as it must be at minimum wage). I'm there early, I leave late, and I listen to alot of pissed off people all day. The attorneys in my office have an obnoxious affinity with Culvers and eat there EVERY SINGLE DAY. No, I'm not kidding, or exaggerating...literally, every single day. One final thing, I FINALLY, have the opportunity to make an argument based on the Second Amendment. Now, when I quote "The right of the people to keep and bare arms, shall not be infringed," the judge won't wonder why I'm talking about guns in a landlord-tenant case.

Eh

I like the blues...hell, I like almost all music. I just listened to Peter Gallagher's most recent album from start to finish. I never thought I'd say this...but Peter Gallagher's album was ill-conceived. However, it's important to note that this is not an official representation of The O.C.