Caribou

As some of you may know, Mr. Vice is an expert at reviewing movies. Since I have finished finals and will have ALOT of free time, I've decided to review different animals, as they appear in nature. Pictured below, is the caribou.


FACTS:

1. Caribou have horns, eyes, and are composed mostly of matter.

2. Caribou are vegetarians: They eat grass, trees, rocks, and people who only eat vegetables.

3. Caribou are the only animals on Earth exempt from the common law Rule Against Perpetuities.

4. Caribou move in herds, when they're not busy breathing fire through their nostrils.

5. Caribou have fur designed to keep them warm, and also to show those PETA people that it's okay to wear fur and NOT okay to not kill animals for fur.

6. Caribou are opposed to arctic drilling...they drive SUVs and gas is expensive and NOBODY is taking their oil.

ANALYSIS:

As you can see, Caribou, or "Bou" for short, are pretty sweet. I would rate their killing power as medium well-done. They trample through the arctic circle, stopping their trampling only to bust up some Eskimos in their igloos. The bou is a good choice to dress up in armor and pull an arctic battle sleigh. Of note is the regional warlord in control of the North: Santa Claus. The horns are also impressive. You think it's badass to put steer horns on your car? Try putting on BOU HORNS. Needless to say, you'll never have to tailgate again. However, the most impressive thing about the bou, is that it's not endangered.