Korean glow in the dark Hound

South Korean scientists have genetically engineered a litter of beagles to glow brighter than the fires of a thousand suns in the dark. Yes, that's right. Not only can you now have a badass dog to keep you company, but that motherfucker will glow in the dark! Finally, we can turn those earth-destroying lightbulbs off and read in the gentle glow of a luminescent puppy.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090428/ap_on_re_as/as_skorea_cloned_dogs

PANDEMIC ALERT

THE CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL has issued a pandemic alert for an alarming illness spreading from poor parts of the world to America. The CDC urges Americans to take special precautions against the now prevalent bear flu.

Bear flu is spread by direct contact with bears and initially resembles the common cold. Common signs and symptoms of bear flu include:

(1) Runny nose
(2) Fatigue
(3) Giant mauling slash marks across the head and torso
(4) Absence of limbs/giant bite marks on limbs
(5) Diarrhea

The CDC encourages Americans to employ common safeguards against communicable disease. Bear flu can be prevented by washing hands, covering coughs, avoiding picnics, avoiding situations where you feel tempted to surprise and taunt baby bears, and disenfecting bloody wounds that bears can track by scent.

If you have been in contact with anyone showing symptoms of the bear flu, the Berenstein Bears, or Mexicans, the CDC encourages you to see your healthcare provider right away.

The Week in Review

This week had me scanning want ads after I was informed the latest batch of shit I pulled may lead to my termination. Long story short, the bosses upstairs now know my name, and not in a good way. But on Friday the whole thing went away in a fantastically anticlimactic manner.

Immediate Boss: So the big bosses said never do it again.
Me: That's it?
Immediate Boss: What did you learn?
Me: That I'm invincible?

In other news, I literally stayed up all night reading a book I found too riveting to put down. This hasn't happened to me since seventh grade when I read the John Grisham book that made me want to be a lawyer/space warrior. (It also happened in law school, but definitely not because I found the reading material riveting). Suffice it to say, I love Chuck Palahniuk. I'd read fight club way back when the movie came out, so I don't know why it took me so long to read another of his works, but Choke totally encapsulates the "I'm fucked up, but not much happens until the plot twist" modern Hemingway style that I loved so much in Fight Club. Plus it was funny as hell...in a really dark way. You'd all benefit from reading it.

Finally, I recently found myself pondering whatever happened to Fergie? Not so many months ago the radio was flooded with "My Humps," "London Bridge," "G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S," or other incredibly shitty noise and I couldn't open up Yahoo without reading about how she pissed herself on stage or committed some other hilarious meth-induced antic. Is she dead? Hibernating? Spelunking an Afghani cave with Bin Laden? It's a serious question that absolutely deserves the pondering I've given it just now.