So today somebody called me a Republican. This certainly isn't the first time that's happened, but it's the first time that I didn't issue an immediate denial. I decided that I needed to devote a little time towards analyzing where, exactly, I stand on the issues and go from there.

Budget Policy: I live on a budget. My family lives within a budget. The law school lives within a budget. Why the hell can't the government do it? Barring catastrophe, we should NEVER spend more than we are taking in per year.

The Environment: The Earth is all we have, and eventually, somebody will kill Captain Planet (and probably that little kid with the "heart" ring). So why the hell are we trashing it? Pollution needs to stop. Now. We need to spend alot more on cutting down pollution, developing sustainable energy and farming, and dare say I, controlling the population. If we don't, human beings won't be around a whole lot longer.

Crime Control: There are good criminals, and there are bad criminals. In this subject, Walter J. Dickey is king. Put the people in prison that deserve to be punished. Who deserves it? Well, here is my short (and non-exclusive) list: Drug dealers, child molesters, rapists, murderers (intentional and most reckless/negligent), burglars, thiefs, assholes who won't take the hint to shape up, hackers, sick fucks that torture and neglect animals, douchebags. Anyone else should be fine with probation.

Gun Control: I've always found it ironic that the ACLU proclaims itself as a protector of the bill of rights, yet you never see them taking a Second Amendment case. Plain and simple, the founding fathers thought it was a good idea for people to have guns. All gun control is doing is keeping the guns out of the hands of law abiding citizens. The criminals already have them. I think the world would be safer if the Democrats stopped envisioning guns as an independant creature that will grow legs and walk around shooting people, and more as a tool to prevent crime.

Affirmative Action/Racial Preferences: I am literally the most discriminated against class out there. White, male, straight, middle class, Christian, without any disabilities. Why the hell should I have to pay for it? Any policies sponsored by the state giving somebody an advantage simply because of race, religion, sex, creed, origin, sexual orientation, or disability discriminate against me simply because of the way I was born.

Abortion: With very few exceptions (and I'm talking Bruce Willis in Armageddon), killing people is wrong. I fully support mandatory waiting periods, parental and spousal notification laws, and mandatory counseling prior to allowing somebody to have an abortion. There's no slippery slope, these measures could stop somebody from making a gigantic mistake. Now I'm not going to pretend to know when life begins, and I don't think the court can do so either. So in the very, very, very, end, I think that a woman should be allowed to abort a non-viable fetus.

Dogs: Simply outstanding. Dogs are phenomenal creatures.

Legalization of Marijuana: Uh, who wants to make America a shithole? Not me. Yes, Marijuana may not be as dangerous as other drugs. Yes, lots of people already do it. But can you imagine the nation when gas stations sell cartons of J's? Forget the six-pack, the whole country would become universally stupider once weed is governmentally endorsed. We still haven't recovered from prohibition, with all of our alcohol-related problems.

Death Penalty: Like I said above, with very few exceptions, killing is wrong. This is no exception. I can't think of anything that disgusts me more as a human being than realizing that the state can legally kill people it deems worthy of dying. Forget the chances of wrongful conviction, discrimination, arbitrariness in application, and inefficient process. It's wrong, plain and simple.

Welfare/Public Benefits: I used to think that welfare recipients were a bunch of welfare-sucking leeches. Now that I've worked with many of them, I realize how necessary the public benefits system is, and how difficult it is to stay on. I support increasing public benefits, and helping people with higher income thresholds than we do today.

Transportation: I want a Mustang. Subject to the environment, mentioned supra.

Immigration: There's a fine balance on this one. We pass Sensenbrenner's law and the federal docket will be packed with pointless felony immigration cases, all with the purpose of discouraging people to work the jobs most Americans would not do. However, if we open up the borders completely, America would become a shithole, since most of the world wants to move here. There are no easy solutions, and I have none to offer. I can only quote South Park "They took our jobs!"

Well, this isn't everything on the agenda, but I think I've hit a few of the big points, and still consider myself a Democrat. Even if I'm not, they should stop bitching at me...I'm voting for your candidates. AMERICA.