Welcome to the real world, Utah

Well, the good news is, I have superpowers. I dreamed the EXACT sequence that two of my rejections would take. Today it happened, when I got three rejection letters.

Over the past few weeks I've been rejected from every single one of the firms/agency I interviewed with, leaving me with a semester to go and absolutely no prospects for the future. Other than blind rage, I think I'm left with a sense of bewilderment as to what I'm doing wrong. I've got good grades, went out of my way to get practical experience, and would generally consider myself to be pleasant and hard-working. Yet nonetheless, I've been blackballed everywhere I applied. And for those who are wondering, I haven't been telling the story about the time I slept through the ambulance page.

Qualifications are nothing without connections, and I have none. I've been trying to comfort myself by thinking that these firms are losing someone who would have been really good at the job, but I'm being naive. The real world is alot like high school...the people in charge know who the winners are and I'm not part of the clique. I had really high hopes for some of these interviews and now I'm back to square one. Frankly, I'm terrified that I'll end up on State Street singing "hallelujia" for change with the homeless guys.

Logic dictates that I should go get hammered right now, but for some unexplainable reason I feel compelled to continue studying. Maybe I'll end up like Rudy, and be rewarded for my perseverence. Afterall, some people live the dream, some people have to build it. However, the realist in me knows I'm just going to end up getting fucked in the ass.

I just had an ultimate battle in my dream with hoardes of homeless people. I'm posting this now to remind myself to discuss it later.

Things on my Mind

I finally got some food into the bloodstream, so I can sit down and blog about the serious things in life. I had a panicked moment earlier where I thought I had left my computer in the law school atrium, but what once was lost now is found. For those that don't know, when I don't eat for awhile, I start shaking and get really faint and can't concentrate. It's that same feeling you get when you hear mmm'bop for the first time. But now I've had a couple of sandwiches and I'm ready to blog about the events in my life.

So it's official: the last of my high school/college girlfriends is getting married (I use the plural here to make it sound like I've had tons). I got an email today with the news and inviting me to the wedding. Don't get me wrong, things actually ended well with this one. We're still good friends and I plan on going to the wedding. However, it's always a little depressing to see others move on.

Whenever I go home to meet with the family (and I'm using the term "family" to mean "extended family") they always badger me about being single. Afterall, my parents were married young, my aunts and uncles were married young, and my grandparents were married at an age where I was still in high school marching band. At first, I was like Yeah, I can rebel and have a legitimate excuse for being single; but let me tell you, once you hit year 25, that changes a bit.

I have no intention of getting married anytime soon. But it would be nice to stop being single. Over the past three years I've spent so much time trying to scramble to an employable position that I really haven't thought of much else (the operative word in this sentence, by the way, is 'trying') Except badass movies. And the O.C. However, looking back, I think I would have done things differently. I came out of college kind of heartbroken and it took a long time to get over. Sure, there were things that didn't really help any...like a certain bitch who told me she only dates "good looking guys" or an incident involving Taco John's (the GACers know what I'm talking about here!), but like Mikey in Swingers, I should have changed my attitude a long time ago. From this point on, I'm going to hypnotize myself to act like Trent. Man, I'm so money.

Anyways, I'm still a big believer in not clinging to the past, so let's turn to the present. We've started meetings for Law Revue and I'm looking forward to doing something creative again. I like to laugh, hang out with the people in the show, and in general be a jackass. It should be a good time this year again. With less random profanity in sketches like oh, say, Family Feud.

The job search is progressing. I had another dream last night that I was rejected by a firm I really liked, so I'm taking that as a harbinger and an invitation to flood the midwest with my resumes. I'll find a job eventually and if not, I'm fully confident in my abilities to subsist on PD appointments for awhile. That or McDonald's.

Anyways, I'm turning my attention now to criminal litigation. The professor had the common decency to give us TWO DAYS to learn federal sentencing practices and I'm a little behind. But I'm confident in my ability to BS the hell out of this one. Utah out.

Completely Awesome

Television has compiled its list of the 100 greatest catchphrases of ALL TIME. Among them are Neil Armstrong's proclamation of "one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," Al Michals exclamation at the end of the 1980 Olympic hockey game between the U.S. and the Soviet Union "Do you believe in Miracles?" and President Kennedy "ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."

Also making the list were two quotes that have changed my life.

"Welcome to the O.C., bitch!" -Luke Ward, the O.C.

"Tell me what you don't like about yourself." Drs. McNamara and Troy, Nip/Tuck

Out of everything that has ever been said on T.V., TV Land saw fit to recognize that the O.C. and Nip/Tuck on an equal level as one of the greatest games ever played, President Kennedy's historic speech, and Apollo 11 landing on the moon. This truly is a great day for all of us.

Don't believe me?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061127/ap_en_tv/tv_catchphrases

Notre Dame Sucks

I told everyone that Notre Dame sucked and you all refused to believe me. Well 44-24 to the "monumental matchup" against USC tells me I was right. Finally, they're ranked below Wisconsin where they should be. Not that this helps things any for us, but at least we'll end our great, but non-BCS season ahead of the Irish.

A message for Cosmo Kramer

For someone who has seen a fair deal of insincere apologies, I have to say that Cosmo Kramer's rambling on the Late Show with David Letterman was pretty unbelievable.

For those that haven't heard, Michael Richards, the actor that played Kramer in Seinfeld, exploded at an L.A. comedy club and verbally assaulted hecklers with all kinds of racial slurs. The video is pretty prolific on youtube and it's worth watching for the shock value. I've watched it three times and each time was pretty jolting.

So in what I thought was a monumentally tacky move, he appeared via satellite on the Late Show (along with Jerry Seinfeld, who himself is allegedly a giant asshole in real life) to "apologize" to the people he might have offended. Granted, I can't read minds, but everything he said, right down to the unscripted rambling about "getting in touch with his rage" seemed like a big ploy to salvage what's left of his career and the release of season seven of Seinfeld. Everything about the "apology" seemed like a ten year old who had just hit his younger sibling and realized that he needed to seem as sorry as possible in order to be grounded for the shortest period of time.

Respect is earned, and right now Kramer has to get in line behind Mel Gibson and behave while other celebrities screw up. In time, people will forget about it and hopefully in the immortal words of Shaggy, Kramer will be true to his proclamation of "it wasn't me." Until then, I'm happy that people compare me to George Costanza.

I'm pretty sure I just unintentionally insulted someone I know by not returning a wave. So to whoever honked at me and waved furiously, I'm sorry. I couldn't see who you were, so I did not wave. That's just how I roll.

Maybe nobody is right

After a very long and exhausting trip, I came home, checked my email and found an email urging us to "protest the ban on gay marriage." This email hit at the very heart of what pisses me off about Madison: Political speech is great until you don't like what is being said. Now I should point out, that I'm a Democrat and in the rest of Wisconsin, people generally consider me to be a flaming liberal. Furthermore, I voted against the amendment. However, it really pisses me off when the Madison breed of liberal feels so right that he concludes everyone who disagrees is a backwards, ignorant bigot. I've selected some excerpts of this inflammatory and poorly-drafted email to make my point.

"The same people [Republicans] who claim to be protecting American families - by putting up these bans - refuse to provide the affordable education or health insurance that our families need."

Let's parse this statement for a moment. Last I heard, the educational system in America hasn't collapsed. In fact, Wisconsin Republicans have voiced support of stabilizing UW tuition increases. As far as healthcare, I don't see Republicans standing at the hospital doors, denying passage to poor people. We have a nation-wide requirement that hospitals provide emergency care to everyone regardless of the ability to pay, Medicaid, Senior Care, Medicare Part D, and several state and local assistance programs for expensive medications and procedures. What is the author of this email suggesting-that we make healthcare completely free? Free to who? Everyone? That sounds fine and dandy, sign me up. I'll let someone else figure out to pay for it. Something tells me that when our taxes are at 60 percent for marginal, but universal healthcare (like Canada), people here will have something else to bitch about.

These same people keep sending our family members - and none of their own! - to Iraq to die for a war that serves only their interests.

Alright. Where to start with this one. Well, by "these same people," I assume he's talking about the nearly three quarter majority that authorized the use of force in Iraq. Gee, the last time I checked, Congress wasn't made up of nearly three quarters Republicans... so "these same people" necessarily includes more than the evil Republicans he eludes to. "And none of their own." This line just kills me. There's not one Republican with a family member in Iraq? Apparently the piss poor educational system put in place by the Republicans has landed an entire class of poor people in Iraq! Give me a break. Finally, apparently this war serves only "their interests." Again, I have to point out the fact that a LOT of Democrats, in the wake of 9/11 voted to authorize this war. Bush didn't do it unilaterally. So whose interests are we serving now by staying put? Well, how about the world's?? What does the author of this email think would happen if we pulled out all of our troops tomorrow? Think there MIGHT be some chaos? I didn't agree with this war to begin with, but now that we've radically overthrown a government, the responsible thing to do is make sure their government is up and running. What kind of example would we be setting if we let Iraq split into chaos and civil war?

Democracy isn't about making everyone happy. It's about winners and losers. Yet, Madison generally assumes it should hold some great cosmic veto over decisions it labels unwise. People were going to be pissed no matter how the gay marriage amendment turned out and everyone is entitled to their opinion. But come on. If you get access to the UW student email list, then at least base your argument on facts and not a blind attack on national Republicans who didn't have a thing to do with the Wisconsin state constitutional amendment. People come here to get educated, so maybe we should spend time educating them on who to blame. It was the voters of this state that ultimately passed the amendment, not the assembly, state senate, U.S. Congress or Bush. By projecting blind fury and a sense of moral entitlement against the political affiliation of half this nation, people pereptuate the stereotype that Madison is filled with nothing but a bunch of left-wing nutjobs.

Today, I had to agree. We don't live in a perfect nation, but we don't live in a socialist nation either. By defining the "bad guys" as the people who believe something different, the author of this email is engaging in the same type of behavior that causes holy wars in Israel, riots in L.A., and blind hate all over the world (Except for the rest of the Big Ten...I hate those guys). Proponents of gay marriage have a good case on the facts, so they should rely on the facts, instead of alienating alot of good people who don't hate anyone solely because of their political affiliation.

Weird

I was sitting in the library today reading 4, 5, 6, when out of nowhere I was approached by a certain contracts/property/Sudan teacher who may or may not be senile. He looked at me for about thirty seconds then placed what appeared to be an empty saline container (I've only seen them used in nebulizers before) on my table. He indicated to me that it was eyedrops, gave me a nod, then left. I have to admit, that took me somewhat by surprise.

So long, Rumsfeld

Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld announced today that he is stepping down from the post he held for six years. I don't blame him. Everyone was devastated by the news that Britney and K-Fed are getting a divorce.

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know that there's alot of political intrigue and other events going on right now, but I don't care. Because I just saw the best episode of Nip/Tuck I have ever seen.

AP - MADISON

In a surprise move, Nip/Tuck has passed the O.C. in the Johnny Utah Bowl Rankings to claim the number one spot. Meanwhile, the O.C., wounded by its substantial loss, has moved to a shaky position at #3. Here are the current rankings:

1. Nip/Tuck
2. Prison Break
3. The O.C.
4. Family Guy
5. Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
6. South Park
7. Heroes
8. Simpsons

Rookie sensation Studio 60 jumped two spots this week over the other newcomer, Heroes. In addition, Prison Break remains strong, compelling T.V. After a terrible performance this week, the O.C. fell to #3 and like Notre Dame, remains in the top of the bracket solely because of its prestige. The opening performance was a weak one indeed. Experts anticipate that Family Guy (led by veteran T.V. coach Glen Mason) will surge late in the rankings to compete in the national championship, however, Prison Break will present strong opposition when the two play at Camp Fox this week. Finally, the Joe Paterno of my television lineup remains in last place. The Simpsons are alot like Army. The dynasty is over forever and its painful to watch. Nip/Tuck and its South Coast Offense are the new leaders of the pack.

Saddam-Like Fools

I've followed the trial of Saddam Hussein since America had the foresight to invade Iraq on my birthday, 2003. I heard on the radio yesterday that he had been found guilty and sentenced to death.

Now, I want to preface my comments with my honest belief that Saddam Hussein is by no definition a "good person." However, what we're doing to him now is beyond belief.

I rememember President Bush discussing his reasons for invading Iraq, and telling America that Iraq deserved the same standards of fairness and democracy we have here. It's ironic that in the spectacle we made of bringing democracy to the Middle East, we put on a "trial" that would have been unconstitutional in every sense of the word here in our "model democracy."

First off, what Saddam did technically wasn't illegal. Sure, everyone finds killing morally repugnant and I'm not trying to ally myself with Stalin, Milosevic, and Hitler. However, Saddam ran a sovereign nation and under his laws, had a technical right to do what he did. We never warned him to stop, and no international body went to the trouble of sanctioning him in public. Essentially, Saddam was tried under an ex post facto law because we needed an excuse to get rid of him after the fall of Iraq. If this is the case, we ought to be able to form a tribunal and try Bush for authorizing torture, secret detentions, and political assassinations. But that won't happen, because we're the biggest kid on the block.

Second, every procedural safeguard we have in our "democracy" apparently wasn't necessary in Iraq. Saddam had no jury of his peers, could not confront or cross examine witnesses directly, and was faced with all kinds of admissible hearsay. Not to mention that the panel of judges was appointed by the government that had just replaced Saddam, in consultation with the Bush administration. It appears that Saddam will be executed within thirty days of the appellate approval under the "Iraqi Democracy."

I think that killing under any circumstance is wrong. Saddam was wrong to commit genocide, and we are wrong to judge him with a sentence of death. However, the worst affront to justice in this case was the show trial that "immunized" all of the people looking for a legitimate reason to kill this man. Show justice is worse than acting first and then trying to explain your actions afterwards because it legitmizes something that was wrong to begin with. I am sickened that people can applaud this miscarriage of justice and pretend that the public spectacle of Saddam's trial helps us wash our hands of any wrongdoing. Shame on all of us for this blatant and disgusting hypocricy. They're all a bunch of Saddam-like fools.

Appeal This

I knew it was there, but it was still pretty cool to look up the Court of Appeals case I briefed, even if it won't be published:

2006 Wisc. App. LEXIS 983.

If you're not first, you're last.

I should have known that something was up when my friend called three times during the O.C. At the time, I was enraged that he was insolent enough to interrupt the most sacred time of the week. I hit the voicemail afterwards. One of my good friends from high school died today.

In high school, he was part of my "core group." We hung out at Country Kitchen, made Eagle Scout in the same troop, got confirmed together, played in concert band, jazz band, marching band (which failed to yield us mounds of babes) and in general celebrated being popular among the nerds. He was always the person I could look to for moral guidance and he taught me the value of practical jokes. We both ended up at Lutheran colleges and as the years passed, we went our separate ways. However, he ended up working for the YMCA camp in my hometown so we talked occasionally. I would have seen him at my roommate's wedding.

I was mute with shock after getting the news. I was going to go to bar review, but ended up wandering around the square for an hour instead. This is one of those things, that in the grand cosmic scheme of things just doesn't make sense. He did everything right. When people talked to him, they found a source of kindness, courage, and really stupid humor (which is probably how we ended up being friends in the first place). We haven't really been in touch for a while now, but I know I'm really going to miss my friend. It goes to show that we should all be living life alot more intensely than we are because nobody knows what the future holds (until we invent a flux capacitor).

Dying of Anticipation

The moment we've all been waiting for happens tomorrow:

SEASON FOUR OF THE O.C.!

The contents of tomorrow's episode may very well determine the fate of the universe. That is all.