So I call up Experian today on behalf of one of my clients. For those of you that don't know, Experian is one of three credit reporting agencies in the U.S., serving a potential 300 million or so people. The reason I am calling, is because they don't list any addresses on their website. After thirty minutes or so of waiting on speakerphone, I finally get a person on the line. I introduce myself and ask for their mailing address, specifically one for consumer contests.

The gentleman on the other end says to me: "we don't have one." I say, "uh, what do you mean?" And he says "everything is done electronically, or by phone." I then pointed out that surely, a gigantic corporation like Experian must have a mailing address someplace, and he said "no." So, I told him that I didn't mean to call him a liar, but clearly, he was lying to me. He said, no, there were no mailing addresses for Experian.

The call continued. I asked incredulously whether it was indeed a fact that no employee ever received non-electronic mail at work. He said that was correct. Then I asked for the street address for where he worked. "That's confidential," was the reply. I asked him why the hell his employer's street address was confidential and figured it could only be because Experian actually hosts MI6. Possibly the xXx division of the National Security Agency.

This ridiculous conversation went on for about ten minutes, and I asked to talk to his supervisor. "Why?" was the response. "Because I'm calling from a law office and if I don't get to talk to someone, I'll sue you." Bingo. I got the boss on the line. I reminded him that federal law requires a mailing address for consumer credit reporting complaints. The boss then tried to argue with me about how efficient the online system was. Obviously, he didn't understand the concept of relevancy. After literally 15 minutes of yelling at jackass Texans, I finally got a PO box. What was so hard about that?