I've met the enemy and it is me.

So I'm pissed at myself. Once again, I've managed to fuck things up by training myself not to succeed. Oh I've succeeded in many things: school, work, drinking battles, and fights with wild animals, but I think anybody who knows me knows the failure I'm talking about. Women.

I had backup, confirmation that she was single, and plenty of time to get myself confident. When the moment of truth came, I couldn't say a few simple words: "Want to hang out sometime?" "If you need a study break, we can go get coffee..." "I'll be here quite a bit over the summer, we should hang out..." Even "let's fuck" would have been better than my awkward smile and "take care." Now she's gone and I'll never see her again.

So what the fuck is wrong with me? I have no clue. I feel like I'm wandering around in this state of purgatory where my only attributes are quasi-confidence and sleep aids. I'm not saying that it's my sole mission in life to get into a relationship. Rather, it would be nice to have some self-assurance that sooner or later I'll snap out of this state I'm in. The problem is I have no clue where I'm going to find it.