Guess I'll Never be Cool

It's been nearly ten years since I graduated from high school. At the time, I was sad to leave. I had made friends, gotten comfortable, and had no idea there was a world outside of my small speck of Wisconsin. As I left for college, I was convinced I'd never make friends as good as those I had in high school. The few girls who responded to my awkward suggestions of dating were the only women I thought I'd ever truly love. And people actually thought N'Sync was cool.

I got a call tonight from an old friend I haven't heard from in a couple of years. One of the friends I thought I'd never lose touch with. Turns out our class leadership (I didn't vote, all of the candidates sucked) organized a ten year high school reunion. They sent out invitations via email and even went to the trouble of calling parents and sending mailings to last known addresses. Of some people. Not me. So, when I was told to check out the website of the class reunion and sent an innocent inquiry to our class secretary (who used to be smoking but is apparently now only smoking barbecue to consume in mass quantities) as to whether I could walk in for the reception, I was promptly rebuffed. "Sorry, you're past the deadline, maybe in 5 years!"

I always thought of myself as someone who was cool amongst the nerds. I was never the ultra-popular ladies man. Never the star jock. Never the rich kid whose parents bought him a 2000 Audi (yes, that kid aside from being a dumbass douche was one of the most popular to walk the halls of my high schhol). When I left high school I had the perception that things were great, but I would get better myself. To this day, I think I subconsciously harbored the illusion that I'd be able to change myself and one day be "cool." That in the years to come, I'd be accepted by the popular crowd. Those people thought I wasn't even worth tracking down.

Contrary to the expectations of my single-digit readers, this isn't going to be another mopey, depressed post on why I'll never be good enough for the people in my life. Since high school I've had some amazing experiences...met wonderful people in college and some real lifelong friends in law school. I've squared off against a rabid raccoon...and some non-rabid raccoons. Threw a football at a beach cat. Discovered Point Break. And realized that being cool doesn't mean being happy. Honestly, for as smart as I think I am, it took me a long time to figure that out. So if they don't want me ten years later because I'm not worthy enough to hang out in the high school parking lot amongst popped collars and inflated senses of accomplishment, fuck it.

So I guess I'm not going to have a class reunion movie moment where I show up and everyone who thought I was a dork in high school now realizes I'm the shit. Drew Barrymore, Freddie Prinze Jr. and Ryan Reynolds are apparently lying sacks. But that's okay. I guess in the end, I can only hope that all the people who looked down on me in high school get raped in a feces-filled gutter by a rhino with aids. Ah, memories.