Civil Rights Violations During "Armed and Famous"

Flipping through shows, I stumbled on Armed and Famous, where "real celebrities become real cops." The "celebrities" include Jack Osborne, Wee Man, some dude that used to be on CHIPS, LaToia Jackson and another girl that's relatively hot but I've never seen in anything. I guess the first show was a police academy and now the celebrities have hit the road. Like many other real cops, nobody taught them the Constitution.

I. LaToia's Probable Cause

LaToia Jackson and her partner were called to a car break-in. The owner reported that a cheap Bic lighter had been stolen. The two of them canvassed the area and three blocks away conducted a Terry frisk of a random guy. They found a cheap Bic lighter meeting the description, and would you imagine it, the car owner identified it as the stolen lighter!! The two officers arrested the man for burglary. When filing my motions to suppress and dismiss, all I would list after the facts would be "fuck those stupid bitches," and I'm pretty sure the case would be dismissed.

II. Wee Man and Reasonable Suspicion

Wee Man and his partner were called to a possible shoplifter described as a "woman in a red coat." The camera in the store showed several women in red coats, yet they were ignored and the officers approached a woman and told her to halt. She asked Wee Man why and he said something about a "robbery in progress." She said no, and kept walking. Wee Man pursued her and asked why she didn't stop. She told him that there was no reasonable suspicion and she did not have to stop for him. Absolutely right. Nevertheless, they stopped her and when she asserted her constitutional rights again was arrested for disorderly conduct.

III. You're a Whore!

The hot celebrity cop and her partner stopped a vehicle parked with two occupants. They pulled them both out of the vehicle, frisked them, and on the woman found a twenty dollar bill. Aha! Positive proof of prostitution, money! She badgered the woman with a weapon drawn and said "if you don't talk to us and own up to your prostitution, you'll probably be going to jail for a very long time." Ignoring the fact that there was no probable cause for detention, and that reasonable suspicion for a Terry stop was iffy at best, let's walk through Miranda. (1) Custodial? Well she was at gunpoint...(2) Interrogation? ADMIT TO THE CRIME! (3) Knowing, Voluntary and Intelligent waiver? Hell no!!

IV. LaToia Knocking at the Door

LaToia went to a house and tried to convince someone to "come outside because she had to show her something." Of course, the thing that she had to show the suspect was an arrest warrant. The suspect said something along the lines of the officers not being able to enter her house unless the warrant said they could. Another excellent point. However, LaToia would not be deterred. She claimed the authority to kick the door down and when the suspect emerged and asked for a lawyer, told her that she would not get one until the "police were done with her."

V. Things that Should be Illegal

Probably the most hilarious moments of the show came when the cops tried to "counsel" the suspects about life. Wee Man making skateboarding analogies, Erik Estrada talking about "being a man," LaToia Jackson discussing her family's strong moral values (ignoring the part about Michael and the boys) and some rich bitch telling a homeless woman that it was "easy enough" to get a job, get off drugs and support her family.

Another good part was LaToia's (easily the worst of the bunch) phobia of cats, which sent her running to the squad car and locking the door behind her. Then the other 'cops' cheered when she went to cat therapy with a psychologist. I did all I could to keep from laughing as she described the most traumatic moment of her life as the time when a cat jumped on her back. Okay, she is a JACKSON, I'm willing to bet there's more than that fucking her up. Finally, the worst moment of the show was when Erik Estrada signed an old woman's breast prosthesis.

My old roommate went to police academy after graduating magna cum laude and after two years, has not been able to find a cop job (He's currently a lumberjack). It just pisses me off to see these jokers pointing guns and abusing people with all the authority of the law and probably getting paid some ridicilous sum for doing a half assed job of protecting the public. Arrest this [points to genitals].