When animals attack...Me
We all knew this day would come. Another animal has acted overly aggressive towards me. While I do my laundry, I like to walk on a little path that goes through the woods around the river. It's really quite scenic. Today, I saw a porcupine about twenty feet off the path. Since I don't appreciate nature interrupting my view of the river, I stared it right in the eyes, just like animals like. I figured the porcupine would appreciate the friendly gesture and move on. Not so.
The first thing I'll always remember about this little encounter is that porcupines can shriek. The motherfucker let out a gutteral wail and charged me with all of its speed. I sat there just an instant, totally stunned out of my mind that this was happening, then booked it for the playground. Witnesses said that the 'pine pursued me until the border of the park, then stopped...a distance of a hundred feet or so. I'm calling this one a draw.
posted by Johnny Utah @ 9:22 PM
1 Comments:
Sorry, Utah, but I don't think I'd classify that as a draw. At first I was thinking your retreat may have been due to the porcupine shooting its quills at you; I imagined this much like the rooftop scene of the first Matrix, where the porcupine starts firing in slow motion, and you start narrowly dodging the quills with your superhuman reflexes. But Wikipedia has refuted the notion that porcupines can actually fire their quills like an exicted terrorist with his first AK-47. So now your retreat sounds much less badass.
Not that it was the wrong thing to do. Just sayin'.
Post a Comment
<< Home