Vin Diesel Day

Well, here it is. Valentine's Day. VD and I have a history. And for those of you snickering, NO, I'm not referring to venereal disease. Nor am I referring to Vin Diesel.

Three years ago on this day was the last time I had an official girlfriend. She used the opportunity to dump me and let me know that she thought I would never amount to anything. (But she got fat, so the joke's on her! Just kidding. Kind of). Four years ago on VD I crashed the ambulance. Seven years ago I was wearing Zubaz.

I've never liked the concept of Valentine's Day. It's a made up holiday designed to make people feel bad. I could tell from grade school that VD and I wouldn't get along. We used to make boxes for the class to drop valentines (and more importantly, candy) into. I never got that many. It was always kind of a slap in the face from early on that admiration was coupled with popularity, and since I was never all that popular, I didn't get very much candy.

I'm not saying that Valentine's Day has scarred me for life. It hasn't. VD simply tends to provoke an unwanted opportunity to reflect on your own perceived romantic shortcomings, and it's just easier not to think about it. Missed opportunities tend to be the worst. By "missed opportunities," I'm not referring to moments where I had to choose between Taco John's and something else. Missed opportunities are the things you know you should have made happen, but were too stupid, lazy, or scared to do.

For me, that's the triple threat. Since I think in very blunt terms (yes, no, explosion) I don't really read the language of girl all that well; so it takes a long time to decode the message of "I'm interested." By the time I do, the moment has passed and I'm too lazy to try and resurrect it. Additionally, there's always the worry that I'll get a rejection along the lines of "I only date good looking guys [gregarious female laughter in my face]." (Yes, that actually happened) So in a nutshell, these are the shortcomings VD has forced me to confront this year. Next year will probably include something along the lines that I helped contribute to the extinction of polar bears. (Those pricks think they own the arctic).

Still, we are who we are. I'm not going to apologize for "what if." To a certain extent, I still believe in fate, so if I make good on my shortcomings, then so be it. If not, it wasn't meant to be. In the meantime, I would appreciate it if any television station would have the guts to broadcast an action movie, instead of something starring Matthew Perry, Freddie Prinze Jr., or Hugh Grant.