Now Hiring: Personal Decisionmaker

The day started well...until I logged in to check my grades and spent the remainder of my day pissed off at a certain professor's grade who I have too much tact to mention here (but will disclose if you ask me, or if I'm drunk). In fact, the very mention of it in my mind prompted a string of cursing in my empty room. Part of the outrage may come from my enormous sense of entitlement, but I remain convinced that in a course without testing, evaluation, or any indication of how we would be graded, I should have done pretty damn well with my perceived performance. Of course, I now know I should have ignored reality and done things that would have had me laughed out of "real" courts.

Moving on. I'm facing a number of small decisions that are becoming much more difficult than they should be. Those who know me well probably all agree that it takes me a long time to make decisions. I like to carefully weigh options, consider the risks, and then throw all of the analysis aside at the last moment and rely completely on instinct. However, I don't have enough time at the moment to go through my normal process of indecision, so I've decided to solicit reasonable, objective advice based on specific and articulable facts.

1. Do I drop my First Amendment course for a tidy 12 credit semester?

-It seems like an interesting topic, and I want to get my moneys worth out of the UW after they've stolen my soul and at least one of my kidneys (I take full responsibility for the liver damage). However, I'm also experiencing a severe bout of "senioritis" and I'd like to have time to concentrate on job searching, studying, and thinking about dogs. If I go much further, I'll have to start highlighting the books, and once that happens, I'm priced in.

2. Do I buy a separate set of tapes to capture the last five episodes of the O.C.?

-It's coming up, the end of the perfect world. After February 22nd, we're all being cast out of Eden into the hell known as Earth. Although this season has been largely...bad...I have a feeling that the producers will step it up in the final episodes, and I won't want to wait for syndication, or until I can afford the season four DVDs. Still, I don't want to risk capturing something that isn't fantastic, and since I'm technically inept, there is a real risk that the VCR won't record at all.

3. Do I switch my current hybrid style of poker play to a looser style, or will somebody raise me out of my seat?

-I've been debating a return to a less conventional style of poker, but have a feeling that inherent aggression in certain players (cough) will interfere. In case you're wondering, the hybrid I refer to is a tight-stupid mix.

4. I asked the magic eight ball an important question about something on my mind, do I follow its recommendations?

-Got a question? Ask the 8 ball. However, this topic seems to be a neverending source of unsolicited advice from others. No, not my choice of badass beard styles.

5. What should I be doing with my life?

And that's it. Five simple questions on my mind tonight. You also get a disclaimer.

The term "hiring" as used in the post of this title does not imply Johnny Utah, his agents, or associates will be hiring anyone at all. In fact, Johnny utah reserves the right at all times, without limitation, to charge YOU for offering advice. Johnny Utah reserves the right to listen, follow, disregard, laugh at, or shoot your advice, answers, and comments. Johnny Utah also reserves the right to make his own decisions, however stupid or ill-conceived they might be. By reading this disclaimer, you, your agents, and your heirs, consent to random kicks to the junk from Johnny Utah at any time. Offer not valid in New Jersey.