Pumped/Pissed

Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of my badassedry." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."

-Editor's note: Neither Vin Diesel nor Chuck Norris can ever be killed. If they ever competed against each other, the universe would implode.

Last week, Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands. They should now be addressed as just "the islands."