Top Gunner

Some people just don't get it. IT'S NOT OKAY TO BE A GUNNER. Nevertheless, we had a classic dual of the gunners today in Labor and Employment and it still pisses me off thinking about how much of my time they wasted.

Both of the gunners were 2Ls and both had engaged in blatant acts of gunnerism all semester. Every time the professor wanted the facts they were on it. Every time the prof wanted an answer to her questions, their hands were in the air. Every time their answers were pierced by the slightest fraction of silence, they had to fill it with their own opinions and inane babbling on policy.

Now, I'm used to people trying to talk like they're smarter than they really are. I do it all the time. However, I do NOT volunteer the information when it would waste everyone's time, I simply use big words in response to simple questions. (i.e. Where can I get a drink of water? Answer: The proper forum for your inquiry lies in the drinking fountain region. Public policy suggests that you should depress the button, lean forward, and ingest water in a manner befitting a canine). What really irritated me today was the fact that the gunners were extending class due to their volunteered responses on "policy."

When it comes to order and control, i side with Judge Posner. Once the red light goes on, discussion stops mid-sentence. I have to sit and listen to those idiots talk for fifty-five minutes three times a week, I will not do it an instant longer than I have to. However, today I watched as the clock approached, two minutes after ending time, three, five. I decided i needed to do something. I glared at both of the respective gunners with a look that said "I will tear out your vocal chords if you utter another sound." That did not work. Then I looked directly at the prof, closed my computer, and slammed my book shut loudly. She looked up at me and said "okay, people are signalling me that it's time to go."

Then, the gunner had the nerve to tell everyone there, that he had another comment to finish the discussion. Of course, gunner number two had to comment on the final comment, which got the professor started again. Enraged, i bolted upright and began to move down the aisle. The only problem was I'm near the middle of the row and I had to move through everyone's crap. Needless to say, I created a great deal of noise and disturbance. By the time I made it to the end of the row, others were starting to get up, but I was still the first to the door. I glanced at the clock: eight minutes after class was supposed to end.

I'm all about bright line rules, and in response to this chronic conundrum, I propose the following: When the class time hits zero, you get up and leave. No discussion, no pleasantries, just leaving. If you have to discuss things further, take your discussion elsewhere, or post it on the internet. Those gunners cost me eight minutes, plus another twenty or so to type this, rounding up to 30 minutes. Since I bill at 200 dollars an hour, the gunners are jointly and severally liable to me for $100. With it, I will have a social gathering with punch and pie and invite everyone but them.