Ford Tempo, I hardly knew you

After nine years with the same car, I have taken my Ford Tempo to live on a farm with other tempos. He was 12, which is 84 in car years.

I had the onerous task of cleaning out all of the crap I had thrown into my car over the last nine years and it really brought back some memories. For instance, I found a program for my high school graduation, one for my college graduation, and a menu for A8. I found an emergency light, CPR masks, a motion to dismiss, and about ten bucks in quarters. This car was a big part of my life from high school through law school and I'm kind of amazed at the level of nostalgia I'm feeling right now. [Disclaimer: Johnny Utah does not actually have "feelings"] Yes, in my vehicle, I was kind of a slob, but it was a sentimental kind of slobbishness that I think my car guests found endearing.

So here it goes, 12 great years of Ford Tempo [Note: Mentally play the theme song to Chariots of Fire as you relive these memories with me]

1. Hey Utah, your first car died (an 87' Nissan Sentra), take your dad's '94 Tempo. It has power windows and a tape deck for you to listen to your tapes of Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. If you use your Walkman and tape adaptor, you can play the Chronic 2000.

2. "We would love it if you came to work with us on the ambulance." Don't drive that thing too fast.

3. "God damnit kid, you're driving recklessly and now you're going to get a ticket for it." "But I was responding to an ambulance call." "Why don't you try fighting it then?" [Note: I whipped that obnoxious cop's ass in court]

4. Handing off the keys to my brother for two years while I started college.

5. Becoming a Junior, getting an on-campus parking permit, reuniting with the Tempo, and driving everywhere. Places of note include T-Bell, Work, Work #2, and the bar.

6. Sitting in the passenger's seat as my sober roommate navigated us back from the bowling alley, bars, movie theatres, parties, and T-Bell.

7. Cruising the streets, picking up some twinkies and Big Gulps.

8. Visiting the UW law school and thinking "Wow, this place is so awesome, I bet there aren't any douchebags at all, and they would never stoop to charging students eight dollars for a transcript."

9. Leaving college and all of my friends and memories behind and going to Madison. I stopped at Q-doba my first day here. "Radar Love" was on the radio when I exited onto Park Street. Things were going to change, I could feel it.

10. Making it through a zillion snowstorms, even without four wheel drive.

11. Driving from St. Peter to Mankato without brakes because I was too cheap to spend an extra $40 at the in-town brake shop.

12. Making it home for the holidays, with my brother. Driving to Poker to see my blood brothers.

13. Making it to the boundary waters in four hours. Making it back with fish guts on the seat.

14. Other events that I am too much of a gentleman to describe in detail, but would probably be rated PG-13.

15. Making it through the gas hikes, the jobs, the education, the journey, and life in general.

Ford Tempo Utah, I'm going to miss you. We traveled the same path, but now you'll be on a different freeway. And there will never be traffic jams, rough roads, highway patrol, or hippies. So here's one for me, and one for my homies [pours a shot of motor oil on the front lawn].

On an unrelated note, if anyone is planning grocery shopping trips, or would like to offer me a lift until I get my third hand-me-down vehicle, please let me know!