Rejection Letters

I received yet another rejection letter today. Anyone ever notice that these letters often sound like you're being dumped? Apparently I've got an excellent resume, but I'm just not [insert firm name] material. However, I'd like to hear a little variety, so in tribute, here are some opening lines I'll be using once I make partner (in my own firm next year).

Dear candidate...

1. I really liked you in our interview. You're smart, funny, and will make a great lawyer. But we just didn't mesh. It's not you, it's me. I hope we can be friends.

2. Things were great at first, but you're just not going anywhere. I mean, come on, it's your life goal to be a securities lawyer? Where's all that ambition you used to have?

3. You're cool babe, but you knew what this was from the start. Don't try to play this like you my legal boo.

4. I really like you. Unfortunately, I have herpes. Yeah.

5. You mean you didn't like Rocky IV? The man ended the fricking cold war! Get out!

Sincerely,

Johnny Utah, esquire.
Except #4. I'll get the law clerk to sign that one.