Hell hath no fury like me scorned

For those of you intimately familiar with my parking habits, you know that I am normally very careful. Every two days, I go out with an old washcloth and scrub the chalk marks off of my tire so I can avoid the 48 hour parking violation. Why don't I just move my vehicle, you ask? Simple, it's one month away from becoming a tax donation pending receipt of my more dependanble ride and I have an awesome parking spot. So it's stayed put for about three weeks.

However, it seems that big brother has once again engaged in a devious plot to interfere with my personal liberties. I went outside last night with a big gulp full of water, splashed it on my tire, and scrubbed appropriately, however, I left a tiny, faint bit of yellow chalk on the tire. In the morning, there was a blue piece of paper and envelope on my windshield informing me that I now owe the government twenty dollars. I know some of you are thinking I'm guilty, that I deserve this, and I shouldn't be a cheapass and just pay the $20. Well, I hate to disappoint your perceptions of prudence, but there is no way that is going to happen.

The way I figure, is that in a civil action, it's on the government to prove my cuplability by a preponderance. At first glance, the city has a prima facia case due to the timestamped picture the parking cop has of my tire with the yellow chalk. But I have formulated a plan of attack.

The parking ticket allows for both administrative, and municipal court review. I plan to start my attack at the Madison Police Department. I write a letter "suggesting" that this citation is the result of a botched investigation and stereotyped conclusions. I then threaten to sue the officer, the department, and the city for conspiring to deprive me of my constitutional right to travel. If they agree to vacate the citation, I will only have to destroy twenty or so of their squad cars for the aggravation.

However, if they decline to vacate, it's on. I've come up with what I think is a rather ingenious solution: I become a huge pain in the ass and they dismiss the ticket. I spent half an hour sketching out requests to produce documents, requests to admit, and interrogatories. We'll see how devoted they are to prosecuting this case. If we get there and my discovery requests aren't answered, I'll move to dismiss pursuant to Wis. Stats. 804.09-11. Furthermore, you can be sure that one of the requests to admit will read "This ticket is bullshit." Let's see if they catch that one. Afterwards, I'll be forced to overthrow the government and punish everyone responsible with the worst job I can think of: Parking enforcement. Crap.