Wild Boar!

The fourth installment on the PBS series on animals focuses on the wild boar. Pictured below, is the boar.

FACTS:

1. Wild Boar are very aggressive animals...when playing poker, they often make sizable raises before the flop.

2. If you poke a boar once, it will kill you. If you poke a boar twice, it will laugh.

3. A Wild boar can finish off a case of Blatz in five minutes ANYTIME IT WANTS TO.

4. Davey Crockett was actually a wild boar...he killed him a bear, when he was only three.

5. A wild boar convinced David Blaine to live underwater for a week...then stole his car.

6. When you try and take a deposition from a boar, you'll get discovery...discovery of your intestines!

Boar Occupying France

A Man and his Pork

ANALYSIS:

As you can see, the wild boar ranks higly in the animal kingdom. It also ranks highly among the plants and fungi. The downside of the boar is that it lives in Texas, so obviously their ancestors did something to piss God off or they wouldn't be stuck there. Another weak spot of the boar is that it spends most of its time sniffing out mushrooms. Now I don't blame the boar for spending time looking to score some 'shrooms, but I do ask that they go to prison for it. But only if they're poor. If I could, I'd have a running of the boars down State Street every night at bar time. However, something tells me the city would cut that idea when they found out the boar weren't all Democrats. Another great idea I had was to train a police boar. Since they have such a great sense of smell, and tusks, they could work side by side with the police dogs, that would even the score against dangerous criminals. Overall, I'd rate the boar as satisfactory. One caveat, is to avoid confusing the wild boar with the wild bore, pictured infra.

FIFRA, the Wild Bore