So I think I'm paranoid...really paranoid. I'm in the law revue show, and I got stuck with playing Palay, who is a major part of the show. However, I also have six other parts...out of ten or so sketches. I think only Ryan has more parts.

Now I'm not a good actor, and I don't pretend to be. So when I'm getting more and more parts, I have to assume that people are talking about me behind my back. It's really not my doing...I got alot of parts to begin with, not by choice. But I know if it were ME sitting out, I would be talking shit about the guy with all the parts constantly. Then I'd kick me in the nuts. I really hope that the rest of the world isn't like me!

I haven't really slept in about two days. My insomnia is acting up, I think as a result of me being ill. I always have some fucked up nightmares when I'm ill, and last night was no exception. My friend died in it, and although it was by truckasaurous, the death was very real. It disturbed me enough that I couldn't get back to sleep after three. Tonight I'm going to take a sleeping pill and hopefully knock myself into a coma.

On a completely unrelated note, I committed another act of cowardice today. Well, not so much of an act, as it was an inaction. There's this girl that works with me. Undergrad, smart, reserved, not blonde...my type of girl. Anyways, over the last several weeks, I feel that I had developed a repoire with her, and I think she would have considered dating me. Then I heard the bombshell: Her class would interfere with working the rest of the semester, and today would be her last day. She told me this at the beginning of my shift, so I had plenty of time to ask her out. I pussed out, and she walked out of the office while I waved goodbye to her back. It's alot like another encounter I had earlier in life, where I made the wrong choice and ended up with crazy woman instead. I feel like I may still have the chance to remedy the situation...call her up, send an email, wish super hard to see her again, and maybe the existence of my pussiness today won't be important in the long run.

I know I won't do this though. It's a combination of anxiety, self-fulfilling prophecies, and a genetic predisposition towards introvertism. The REAL kick to the nuts came after this girl left. My coworker mentioned to me that I should ask her out because she seemed to like me and we had a REPOIRE. Damnit...hindsight is 20/20 for me, but that 20/20 vision seems to be "present sight" for most people. A little help? Are you with me here?