Burgle Averted

Last night, I retired to an anticipated night of slumber around one in the morning. I had locked the doors, shut off the lights and anticipated dreaming about wild pumas running roughshod around Madison. At around three in the morning, I awoke to the telltale squeaking of the floorboards outside of my bedroom. Quickly, I ran down the mental list. My roommate was in Milwaukee for the night, the lights were off, and the upstairs neighbors had the tendency to leave the door to our shared balcony unlocked. I reached the only logical conclusion I could: A homeless person had climbed up to our balcony and walked into the negligently unlocked door with the intension of burglarizing me.

Needless to say, two thoughts came to mind. One, was I dreaming this? Two, if not, what to do? My half dragon/half robot guard creature is still in the experimental phase, so I knew that I would have to face any potential assailants on my own. After hearing the squeak again, I confirmed that I was not dreaming this and took stock of the situation. I grabbed my phone and dialed 9, then 1, and left the final one for once I'd confirmed the presence of an intruder. Then I equipped myself with the only weapon I have in my room: a pair of numchucks. Taking a deep breath, I charged from my room and bumrushed the back corner of my house. There was my roommate, shuffling through some of his crap strewn about the house. I demanded an explanation for almost having to kill him, and he said that he decided to come back early morning so he could haul more things out of our place to Milwaukee today. It's safe to say that while alarmed, I was relieved. Still, I think that had there been an actual burglary in progress, I would have been prepared to numchuck the shit out of the hapless homeless intruder who sought to steal my beer.